Cosmo is straight-up evil

Seriously, look at this advice!

Both of them, really.

The first one is just... wow. I mean, unless a guy has expressed that he is interested in your teeth around his junk, you should keep your teeth sheathed around his junk. That's just common courtesy!

Also, the second? Because what sex is really about is making sure he knows how you expect your Valentine's Day to go? And he's "earned" oral? Imagine if the situation were reversed. For every ten minutes of a video game you let him play, you get ten seconds of a back massage! (We're going with stereotypes here, right, where women hate sex and men only want to play video games and put their dick in your mouth.)

How stupid.